Patricia Eve Walliker (3 Apr 1929 - 7 Dec 2023)

In loving memory of Patricia Eve Walliker who sadly passed away on 7th December 2023.

A profile of our Mum – Pat Walliker

Mum was born in Rawalpindi on 3 April 1929.

Her father was in the army. She had an older sister Eileen. The family returned to England when mum was five months old and lived in Wilsden.

In 1932 when Mum was three years old, and Eileen was eight, their mother caught pneumonia and gave birth prematurely to another sister Phyllis. Tragically, both Mum's mother and her sister died.

Mum was unable to live with her father and was separated from her sister. By the time she was 7 years old Mum was living in a children’s home in Clapton Common. When she was 10, she was evacuated and lived with the West family in Royston Hertfordshire. They treated her most kindly and were involved with her care, directly and indirectly, until Mum was 18. Because of her disrupted childhood Mum spent little time in school. She always regretted her lack of education and that impacted on her self-esteem.

At 18 Mum moved to live and work in a nursing home. She enjoyed her role helping to care for elderly and sick people. After 18 months, Mum had to move out of the care home and live independently. She found this hard, feeling lonely and too shy to initiate social contact with other people. This motivated her to join the Wrens, as a cook.

She trained at HMS Dauntless near Reading and passed out as an Officer's cook. In 1951 Mum was posted to HMS Pembroke in Chatham. On her first day, 3 April 1951, her 22nd birthday, her roommate took her to the NAAFI club and introduced her to John Walliker. They hit it off and loved dancing together. John was away with the fleet for several months at a time but when he returned on leave, they met up and danced again. John proposed to Mum at Easter 1952 and after Mum kept him waiting for a few weeks, she said yes. Mum said that she always wanted to marry him!

Mum was made very welcome by Dad's family. She spent weekends with them at their home while Dad was away on-board ship. Mum said, “I really felt I had at last got a family”.

Mum and Dad were married on the 20th of December 1952 in Saint Georges church at the barracks. Their bans were read for the first time on Remembrance Sunday, so this day was always special for them. Remembrance Sunday became even more special and poignant for Mum and all of us after Dad died suddenly on Remembrance Sunday in 1997.

Carol, their first child, was born September 1953. Later in 1953, Mum was contacted by the Salvation Army who were helping her birth sister Eileen and her aunt Annie to find her. Mum met them and discovered that members of her maternal family, including her godmother Auntie Ena, lived close by. Mum formed a special relationship with Auntie Ena, and we all have lovely childhood memories of visiting her and Uncle Joe, picking fruit in their orchard and helping to feed the chickens and find their eggs. Mum also made a lovely relationship with her auntie Ginny and uncle Alf who had looked after her for 2 years after her mum had died. In recent years Mum was able to visit Eileen and they spent some time together before sadly Eileen died in 2020.

When Mum and Dad married, Dad was working as a Sick Bay attendant and was planning to become an SRN. Unfortunately, he caught a skin disease whilst working in the tropics which resulted in him being invalided out of the Navy in 1954. This marked a difficult time for Mum and Dad. They had a baby and no permanent place to live. Together Mum and Dad helped each other. Mum was practical, resourceful, and resilient. She was a survivor and would do whatever it took to support her husband and their family. They received support from their close friends Audrey and Ron. Mum always valued their support and kept in touch with them and their children for the rest of her life.

At the end of 1954 Mum and Dad moved into a new council house in Eastling Close near Twydall. Alec, their second child was born not long after in 1955. Mum always wanted a large, happy, and loving family and succeeded wonderfully. Chris born in 1956, Rhoda in 1959, Russell in 1961, Mary in 1965 and Jenny in 1967 completed her family. In 1965 they moved to a larger house in Leeds Square, in the heart of Twydall, and remained there whilst they brought up the family.

In 1981, tragic circumstances saw Mum and Dad caring for Sharon, Chris’s wife. Sharon died of cancer when she was only 21 years old. Mum nursed her in their home for the final months of her life whilst looking after her grandchildren, John and Sally. John and Sally stayed with her for several years until they were able to live with their Dad.

Mum was an independent woman who enjoyed working as well as looking after her family. She had a variety of jobs which she would fit around school hours as her children always came first. She learnt to ride a moped (much to Dad’s dismay) so she could travel about and eventually passed her car driving test when already in her 60s.

Mum loved animals especially dogs and our family always included a variety of pets and at least one dog. She loved bird watching with dad on their walks in the countryside.

Mum supported Dad through ill health leading to his early retirement. She moved with him in 1987 to live a rural life in Newsham, North Yorkshire as she knew this was his dream. She missed the family she left behind in Kent but also enjoyed spending more time with family who were already living in the north especially Dad’s sister Heather and her children Ian and Julie and their families as well as Chris with John and Sally. Mum and Dad made some good friends and became a part of the village community until dad died suddenly in 1997.

Mum chose to return to Kent and despite her profound grief for the loss of her ‘one true love’ she survived and made a life for herself first in Lordswood and then in her bungalow at Albert Road. She enjoyed very close and supportive relationships with her neighbours Liz and Linda and Dave.

Mum really enjoyed life in her bungalow, and she was determined to remain living independently for as long as she could. She achieved this very successfully and without needing much help. She had a mobility scooter which she used regularly to go to Gillingham, and she became friends with a group of people who she enjoyed bumping into and having a coffee with.

St Augustine’s Church became an important part of mum’s support and social life. While she was well enough, she enjoyed going to Sunday services and appreciated getting a lift every week from Lianne.

Mum learnt how to use a computer and smart phone. She became an on-line shopper as well as a great WhatsApp communicator.

Mum’s physical health caused her problems, but she was not a complainer and ‘she got on with it’ as she has done all her life. She never lost her mental alertness and only a couple of weeks before she died, she was telling Carol what she wanted her to do about sending Christmas cards and gifts on her behalf.

Mum’s health deteriorated at the end of 2022, and she was in hospital for several weeks. She moved to Pembroke House in January 2023 for a period of rehabilitation. Gradually Mum came to accept that she would struggle to return home, and she made the decision to stay at Pembroke House. This was a difficult and painful choice for her to make. She appreciated the warmth, affection, and high quality of care that she received but nevertheless keenly felt the loss of her independence. We all admire her so much for having the courage and wisdom to make ‘the right choice’ for her wellbeing despite the distress we know it caused her.

Mum had many fun times as part of the Pembroke Family. She enjoyed several exciting outings, loved playing dominoes and watching the many entertainers that visited the home. She loved sitting in the garden and watching the birds, squirrels and foxes that were regular visitors. She became very fond of staff and other residents. Mum was clear as she became weaker that she wanted to remain at Pembroke House to die and not return to hospital. Mum’s GP Dr Thackray and all the staff made sure her wishes were respected. Thanks to them all, Mum was able to have a peaceful death supported by her family.

Mum found comfort in her faith. She believed strongly that faith is personal and should be a choice for each person. She chose to be confirmed as an adult whilst in the Navy. She supported her children to go to Sunday school and church, but she allowed us all to determine what we wanted to believe in and defended our right to do so.

Mum taught us all ‘core values’. She believed in equality and natural justice. She taught us to treat people fairly and kindly; to be grateful for ‘our blessings’ and to support people experiencing any kind of difficulties.

Mum was genuinely capable of unconditional love. She has accepted all her children for who we are and have become as adults. She has formed loving relationships with all our partners and her grandchildren and great grandchildren. She has completely included adopted and stepchildren into her family and has maintained relationships with ex-partners of ours over the years. Mum has made and maintained friendships over many years with people she has met during her long lifetime.

This does not mean that Mum did not have strong opinions about things which she would let us know about. She would shout and argue and fall out with Dad and then show us that they had sorted it out and made up. We all learnt that you could have disagreements with someone and think differently whilst still loving them and being loyal to them.

Mum was a very unassuming and humble person who struggled to understand why people could be so positive about her. She was an impatient person who liked to act spontaneously and not wait around. She was a ‘doer’. She was very sociable and loved a good party! Mum never lost the ability to play, laugh and have fun.

Despite her lack of formal education, everyone knew that Mum was an intelligent, creative and resourceful woman. She had a wide array of practical skills and talents.

Budgeting and managing money
Cooking and bread making
Gardening and growing vegetables
DIY and decorating
Dressmaking
Knitting and crochet
Dancing and singing
Playing cards especially Newmarket and UNO and dominoes.

Mum loved taking us out to spend days in the countryside or at the seaside. We always had a picnic and played games.

She and Dad would prioritise taking us on a summer holiday and we all have fabulous memories of going camping.

Being a large family meant there was not a lot of money to spare but mum would go out of her way to make sure we celebrated our birthdays and Christmas with special gifts and rituals which we have all carried on in our own families.

Mum talked to us about dying and she prayed she would go to Heaven where she would be reunited with the people she had lost.

We are all comforted by imagining her and Dad dancing together once again.